ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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