Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We left the knife in your bed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
