Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
