Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
