She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
