I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
