I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
