I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
