thus making me awesome and them whores
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
