Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
