last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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