I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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