started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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