Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
