mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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