A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
