a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
