Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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