we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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