I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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