I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
