apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
