I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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