my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
