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this just has baby written all over it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
