I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
