I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
