Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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