SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
