New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
