I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
