That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
