i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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