Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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