If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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