Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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