Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
