The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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