Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
