there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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