My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
