hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
