Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
