this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
