break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i dont even know how to be here
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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