chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
