Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
