just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
