Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
