Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
