Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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