lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
